Tired of feeling like im trapped in my damn mind tired of feeling like im wrapped in a damn lie tired of feeling like my life is a damn game nigga really wanna die in the night time

Death goals

First lets address the synchronicity. After passing out at my bro crib i met his sister and her boyfriend. The conversation ranged from guns to drugs to death. Ironically the subject that caught me was the gun talk. I havent really been knowledgeable about but i have a interest in weapons. Later on that night i met up with another young man who topic was.... Guns. Now as cultured as i am i still know the hood. The hood is a social place you must do gangster shit with your hood friends so your status is verified. Here is a connfession i didnt have that many friends . (shocking) one i didnt want them snake in grass as niggas around"im listening but im not speaking because in Philly you can be in the same hood and still be beefing" another reason i was too different another reason was i didnt want death to take my friends. So even if i did have friends who actually fucked with me they might die i saw it happen. I dont like that feeling of trying to call someone or wanting to talk to someone and to just realize they gone forrever. This ironically made my obsession with death. Ive studied it for years to the point she was my side piece. The kicker yea the big surpise even through i got so many future plans with so many people now. I dont have any goals. While People have goals to have a family get married make money Nd be happy the only thing im thinking about is how my death gonna be and the effect it will have on people in my life.it sounds sad but im inpatient and as beautiful i know life is i know it comes to an end so waste all this time. See this is where my pyramid come in at. I have love people but not one love to a person so my will is diminished and i wont be free. I guess this is my struggle smh

Fire and ice

Passion pumps fire through my veins melting the icy organ thats was my heart. Ironic that in colder weather my frozen stature turn into water. And that water floods into my eye ducts as i swell up.

To her :i just want to sit with you one more . With those two white chairs in the front  and music playing in back. We can laugh and we can talk, get silent then stare in each other eyes and laugh again. Because we both the possibility that talking turns into tongue twisting deep kissing maybe then we'll listen if not ourselves then who? Each other? Maybe or maybe i ve been lonely lately or maybe ive seen what i done wrong but its too late to rectify to much pain to pacify.i swear you have a piece of my heart and i let the ice replace that part.

Trinity2infinity theory

To actually say i fall n peak frequently is an understatement. Last week i was terribly upset feeling nothing was gonna give me salvation. I feel the just more focused. Its weird to focused on goals but not caring if they get fulfilled. I dont want to write this to become a whine fest alot of my post turned into it that. This is an explanation of the symbol i have had in my head. Its two triangles intercepting whille on top the infinity sign sits on the peaks of the triangles. Its to show that life is balance between mind heart and soul also between freedom ,will and love. Now this theory is under construction at the moment but ill work on it. The first triangle is to represent a personal self balance. Having your mind and heart strong will strength your soul in order to get to the infinity loop. The second triangle is more in depth with should be done with this world. You need love and will in order for freedom to be in the infinity loop. To have a free soul is what alot of people want in my opinion or at least i do. If. You keep these balance you will infinitely have a free soul .(that could be the reason why death is not really a thing to us) right but thats just my theory.

Trinity=triangles (try angles= perception)
2= two triangles (gemini)
Infinity= everlasting (no death)