Loooking back, my life didn't take much to really ruin.I had a thought processes that made me feel alone, I had a life where being a new kid was pretty normal. I was an only child. I was weird because of these facts. I hated being alone. Now its bii different. I crave soliditude and I think this is a reason why I didn't want to be with people . Don't get me wrong I love the connection I have with people. The people in my life are the realist people I know. In their own uniquely indivsiual way. However, this does leads to my time alone to wane. Its always something or someone. I would say my only real time is when I'm at work but thata fucking lie due to fact I'm at work. The feeling of being on guard,either for the coworkers or supervisor the people who work at the college the patains, On my way to work I'm worrying abouyt getting to work so I have to rush a lot. I also don't have the mental sanity to bring the relaxing and rejoinving force to my life. Being at home is a whole another beast. Its cats running around. Now my thing about cats or all movng pets that roams the house I don't like the fact I can look to the left and they just sittning there. its freaky and some times I still look and think I see something moving in my preoval and its nothing. its the weirdest feeling. And don't forget this whole girlfriend thing which I have sepereates problesm with becasuse of reasons. I don't have just time. Funny now that I wrote this I know what kind of song to do. with the sonic beat I wanted to talk about me rushing get everything done and it shouldn't be like that even through its a sonic beat I would want something to be a lil faster. This is slow and somber to reperesent how much I like the interartion of people but at the same time need a major break from them.
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