Jazz

So, I was younger,I would often go to sleep to sounds of Nina Simone tapes. I would remember my green and grey radio with a cassette player and around 830 ( my bedtime was 9) I would play the tapes. When 9 o clock rolls around and the lights were off, I would let Nina serenade me to a peaceful slumber. Until the tape would stop, then I would have to switch it to the b side and let that side play.

Despite the limited chances I had to listen to her music I would always try to. Really couldn't figure out why her deep but feminine voice would always stand out to me. It was powerful yet soothing, As a strict mother or an overly concerned girlfriend. I loved it until I grew tired of my mom's limited collection of it. Around this time hip hop came more into play and I gravitated towards that but I always had a connection to jazz.

That whole era of 1950s -60s was intriguing for me. I wanted to play the saxophone (John Coltrane) , I wanted to tap dance(Gregory Hines), I wanted to do poetry(Langston Hughes), I wanted to be a writer(James Baldwin) I wanted to do all these things. However it wasn't as available to me, the only thing that was available was rap.

Hip-hop didn't have an appeal to me at first. Don't get it twisted no love hip-hop and many aspects of it now but back then not so much. It was negative in your face brash and pompous. It was filled with narcissistic and violent energy. It expressed anger but not how jazz or poetry would. Poetry and jazz were like water and hip hop and rap was like fire. While one pushed in a forceful way, the other burned and left a path. Mind you this is only what's being played on the radio not so much underground nor indie artist. That aside I couldn't really find anyone who had a love for jazz as I did so I moved to the fire.

However, the love of the fire was necessarily enough for me, I craved water in some aspect. Why I gotta punch a nigga in the face all the time? Why can't I just chill? Why we gotta shoot niggas? Why can't we listen to words and think ? Income Lupe fiasco, a hip-hop artist that seem to blend the cool waters with the raging fire and make a steam room to sweat the problems out.



Pardon me I digressed.


My love for jazz and the Harlem Renaissance as a whole stems back from my childhood. It always reminded me of a simpler more peaceful time. Before all the responsibilities, mental issues, daily struggle and self-destructive habits. With me slowly (SLOWLY) approaching middle age I look back at it fondly. It feels like a piece of me that I was looking for my whole life. the cool, calming water that would become an oasis in the heat of life. I now use it to write and try to let my imagination get back to who I was, who I am and who I want to be.