In this world of insecurities and deception i have been looking at it all wrong. To be honest its not something easy to admit. Now this may be a form of mania that i have to ride out or just a way of defelcting but i do know i care and love myself to kow that when i do express myself its coming from the heart so i know this is real.with no sleep deprived thoughts i can say i looked at this world so negative. I honestly thought that everyone was out to get me or taking chess moves to sabotage me. Why? paranoia.
In the words of my hero james baldwin im moral but i also have an imoral side. Ive seen people play mind games with people. Hell it happens all the time at my job and Im also sure it happens to people lives outside the work place. People creating lies to belittle others only to make their self seem important or better than they actually are . Pepole backstabbing as if its a game and we all play. We know the rules. No getting too close to people. Always have room to back out. Dont trust anyone. Everyone is an enemy. So seeing this patttern all the time made me emulate the mindset not the behavior. Thats where the morality stop me. I dont desire to try destory life. i know how much one thing can affect one's psyche. Im a firm beliver that one bad day , one bad decsion can change the moral to the immoral. The same way it only take one good choice or descion to bring them back on the side of morality. I understand this and most people who have this mindset because they have tot use it as a defense.This is why you have to watch your back in a hood you dont know they are going to be defensive atleast untill they know you.
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