Prayer( Phobophobia)

So i tried prayer for the second time today. The only prayer i could think of is "jennys prayer" from forrest gump. (The dear god make me a bird so i can fly far ") yea that one i was trying to think of something like something like thank you for waking me up. I don't know if its because i've been self sufficient for so long that the thought of thanking an omnipotent being is difficult. or what but it has been a challenge to even open up with people let along a god. the last thing i need is people coming up to to me and saying they can teach me how to pray. Christians has a different way of prayer. the whole "Heavenly father we come to you as a broken man please fix my wrongs and make me whole" that thing just doesn't appeal to me. A conversation with  god i really got to know you to talk (how to know god ) meditate? (ok do you) kinda  (why not) i dont know to be honest i cant really sit still. i don't think prayer is the answer (whats the answer ) love is the answer ( this nigga ) no look (no self love is more important ) ......( that's the problem its not a girl , its not art, its not even god. Its you) i cant tho (you just don't want to you. have to stop that and put yourself first ) but why when i dont care about (living? you dont see that as a problem ) no it give me no fear ( Fear?  thats what you dont want) yes (phobophobia) call it what you want ( why are you afraid of fear ) fear makes you weak ( so you dont want ot be weak ) no ..... not anymore ive done it for so long (know you know what to work on ) what  is it ? (come to grips with your fear and  vulnerability is not weak ) i cant do this shit alone ( well you have to nooone is gonna help you ) \





(never)