idk what i to feel what to say

I thought I had it all figured but every time I do I realizes I don't know shit. If only I could get that drive again that feeling of being completely balanced but it's gone and Im Only left with this feeling of slavery. Everyone feel like this in this society using material things to make us feel better. Copping mechanism like a motherfucker. We wear a smile as  Mask.   Me personally I mask everything it's alot I hide and i don't like that. I want to be able to show everything but the only way I can is in my art. But I can't do that without money n can't get that without selling my time. My time along with everyone time should be spent feeding their soul. My soul been starving for a while I've been ignoring the hunger pains.now the hunger pains physical . I just want to eat.
I want to be feed



My name is Andre (Jett) {jimi}
And .......

(ego sum servus)

Checks and balances

It's kinda crazy how much coincidence can affect your well being. After being completely broke, I made a budgeing plan after this disappointing paycheck just to be hit again with another disappointing paycheck I need another to get money because this living pay check to pay check is dead ..



(That it?)
Well what do you expect
(Are you gonna tell your plan?)
I don't think I'm going to keep repeating myself
(So you not going to at least let people in)
........ok
So I don't feel like I deserve to be happiness , I looked for a purpose I have that. I looked for  will I have that. determination grows everyday. I pray . I meditate. I have good karma . I have love. I focus on my art. I even have the fantasy of a good relationship play out on mutilple occucations. Still I feel empty. I smoke more I smoke less. I drink more I drink less. I get involved with spiritual. I get involved with mental. My emotional intelligence grows. I Even workout . It's no point of being here as far as I can see everything is temporary anyway (nothing last forever) I know (I'm agreeing ) ok well I'm broke but I'mma make a way . I getting a hold of my stress I'm still snapping tho(my bad I'm trying gain self control ) and if we all going to die why not speed up the process I'm impatient and tired of waiting.  So after my projects are released I might as well end (you know what I think it is ) here we go what is it? (You want love) .......... didn't we just say we have a fantasy relationship ( exactly a fantasy.  as fun  as that was we both know it's not forever) I shouldn't need a person to be happy (I never said happy ) or to feel complete (lies you love that feeling of being needed. you also like the feeling of protecting and providing. it gives you a sense of importance they will love you and they would be significant to you the same way you will be to them. ) ...................( Just think about it when you think of a relationship you don't think about just the sex or the passion or even the dates, you think of just chilling or being around that person. You like that feeling that a person loves you and you only and completely. And with that you would love them more. Constantly trying to find out as much as you can to love them even more. A deticated friend who don't mind your space but at the same time would would love to be with you. You love the attention but you also love to give it as well you love that safe person to run to when times gets hard n you love being that shoulder to cry on . Face it you want love ) ...............damn you right but I can't find that ( I understand because you don't want to manipulate  Im just saying give it some thought it's not dumb to let your guard down sometimes) so my emotional intelligence have grown  (yes it's best to be about resolutions and trying to find results rather just complaining about it ) sounds like me 😏(it's called growing up 😏)

"Love that could be from a different world"

freshcuts (Raw Emotions)

im not gonna really correct anything i say wrong when i write this. just enough to be understood im tired of crying. I've added god in my life ive thought positive i started to open up (and was swiftly reminded why closed up in the first place.) I've wrote songs , I've smiled more i stayed away from liquor. i even had the comfort I begged for. what ruined it was the fact that it's temporary but even life is temporary (so just enjoy.....,) No fuck that why must it be temporary why can't it be forever (maybe you are a brat😒) et tu ? (,I have to keep it real) anyway isolation unlike alot of people kinda makes me feel better. And while I appreciate my friends to turn being social on and off is not just confusing it's irritating (It needs to be.....) Shut up because you are sleep half the damn time leaving me out there to do the talking I say something stupid n get left to be embarrassed.....................\

............(feel better ) ........kinda not really 100 tho. To be honest I just want to rap (smoking on double mint to get double the pleasure ,whether, or not its consider clever/ to never not get better/ you know your passion never/ leave you out to dry just believe your eye)  thank you I learned the funniest thing about DETERMINATION. it pushes you thought its the focus I mentioned before. you would think that ok since he got that he would be fine. nope because I cant be stuck on one goal I have too many things to focus on at once. I really  cant live in the moment I have to be moving, multi tasking killing two birds with one stone. I was got some wins out on injustice against my sensai of gaming. it happen because I didn't accept defeat even if it was close. I envisioned word like  DETEREMINATION, HOPE,WILL, CONFINDENCE. ...................................(you know its funny just earlier we was the discussing the problem we face with : the knowledge that ultimately nothing I do matter im a speck of dust on an old planet.)Hope is pointless with each breath we take we get closer to death your life wont matter if you are dead. What's the point of trying to enjoying your life if its gonna end and as stated before im begging it to end(......and the ability to make a purpose ) yea and.....(im just saying you pushed through and fought hard on a game when it depended on because you wanted to win. why not do it in real life have that same mindset let me set a fire for you to use)yea that was the plan before but when you get in control you become unstable .....I wont let you ruin us again.....(well try to keep me from being unstable ...........are you shutting me out ????) this is getting too meta ( no don't run from the question J3tt ....are you shutting me out?) its for our own good (whoever reading this is gonna think your crazy.......just know while you might like being cold and analytical....people don't love that side of you ) well they have to learn how to deal (then how can I be accepted if you don't show me ) the ones who will see youwill be the special ones ...you saw what happened with ....her (your hurt .....you know your hurting ....and you choose not to help your self ....literally you was told before you are always in your own way )








...........

the darkness cuts deep
I like the pain
I can accept it
being alone with myself is fine
but what if you all alone




without your self