Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Checks and balances

It's kinda crazy how much coincidence can affect your well being. After being completely broke, I made a budgeing plan after this disappointing paycheck just to be hit again with another disappointing paycheck I need another to get money because this living pay check to pay check is dead ..



(That it?)
Well what do you expect
(Are you gonna tell your plan?)
I don't think I'm going to keep repeating myself
(So you not going to at least let people in)
........ok
So I don't feel like I deserve to be happiness , I looked for a purpose I have that. I looked for  will I have that. determination grows everyday. I pray . I meditate. I have good karma . I have love. I focus on my art. I even have the fantasy of a good relationship play out on mutilple occucations. Still I feel empty. I smoke more I smoke less. I drink more I drink less. I get involved with spiritual. I get involved with mental. My emotional intelligence grows. I Even workout . It's no point of being here as far as I can see everything is temporary anyway (nothing last forever) I know (I'm agreeing ) ok well I'm broke but I'mma make a way . I getting a hold of my stress I'm still snapping tho(my bad I'm trying gain self control ) and if we all going to die why not speed up the process I'm impatient and tired of waiting.  So after my projects are released I might as well end (you know what I think it is ) here we go what is it? (You want love) .......... didn't we just say we have a fantasy relationship ( exactly a fantasy.  as fun  as that was we both know it's not forever) I shouldn't need a person to be happy (I never said happy ) or to feel complete (lies you love that feeling of being needed. you also like the feeling of protecting and providing. it gives you a sense of importance they will love you and they would be significant to you the same way you will be to them. ) ...................( Just think about it when you think of a relationship you don't think about just the sex or the passion or even the dates, you think of just chilling or being around that person. You like that feeling that a person loves you and you only and completely. And with that you would love them more. Constantly trying to find out as much as you can to love them even more. A deticated friend who don't mind your space but at the same time would would love to be with you. You love the attention but you also love to give it as well you love that safe person to run to when times gets hard n you love being that shoulder to cry on . Face it you want love ) ...............damn you right but I can't find that ( I understand because you don't want to manipulate  Im just saying give it some thought it's not dumb to let your guard down sometimes) so my emotional intelligence have grown  (yes it's best to be about resolutions and trying to find results rather just complaining about it ) sounds like me 😏(it's called growing up 😏)





"Love that could be from a different world"

No comments:

Post a Comment

Dis con nected

Loooking back, my life didn't take much to really ruin.I had a thought processes that made me feel alone, I had a life where being a new...