Frustration focus

During the time at work i took my time to learn what i hope to be the final lesson at that job. A lesson i can hopefully use later on in life. All before i used my anger as a way to focus energy. There was times when i was in the cold walking long distances in the cold. That anger i had to be placed in this uncomfortable predicament i used as adrenaline. Ive done this a bunch of times before. Now at the tender age of 25 for some reason my anger is deemed too much......(what gives them that idea ) i dont know but im starting to agree(of course you do) after trying to keep a tight lip to win a bet.....which i lost ,i noticed that i do have self control......when im competing. (Which is the overall point of rap ) yes why is this being bought up? (it seems like you trying to do away with anger) no we need that to survive out here. Im just bring up the fact that instead of anger i propose its a different emotion. I feel it's not much of anger but frustration.

Not to long ago we complained that something was off, that we feel trapped by the mundane and dull life that we was living. That could be and most likely the results of not doing what we supposed. For years we had the luxury to not work as hard as we needed too. every grade, every project ,every thing we started we never gave our 100 percent. This not only birthed an ego but untapped potential. Looking back a catch phrase for me was "i can do my self" or "i could do it if i really want to". The thing is i truly did not want to. I gave no fucks at all. Being wild ,young and reckless was freeing but was able to be sustained due to the suicidal nature that was me. I had plans to not even make it this far but yet here i am. With that said its like telling a child in a blink of a eye to" grow up". Thats no easy task. I want to use my money to buy a ps4 and play games but i cant because i have to pay bills. I want to use my free time to hang with my friends but i cant because i have to go to work. I want to use my energy in the best way possible but i cant because im lazy. That last one can be fixed however which brings me to the point of this post. If i can use my anger and make energy i should be able to do it to my frustrations. I have alot of goals and i am a perfectionist so im going to frustrated alot. Hopefully with discipline (something we lack ) -{...but can gain} structure and self control we can actually be a full functional adult. 

Why is the  word "adult" like poison to you

( it used to be like that for you tooo....but the older we get the more to uncover and think about ....marriage ....kids......college funds.....debt.......the more older you become the more you realize its not about you )

{Its never was forreal}

( it was at a time ....but thats slowly going away soon we going to just be ............irrelevant a has been or a never was)

More of a reason to work hard so we not. Trust you have people around you . good people ..kinda unstable but people who love and care about you your relevent to them.

(......but i dont want it. That makes me feel like a burden. I dont deserve it. Its so much i did. It would be just a waste of time. )

....

{What about the dancer?}

(What about her?)

-{is she perfect? }

(No)

And yet you care for her.... Why?

(Shes......different way more positive than me)

I thought you said the world needs balance if they need balance why dont you live by it.

{Transmute the negativity n send out positive but you still need the negative }

( ......)

Look at it like this we still here so somehow it have to be a reason. You feel it deep down you are here for something greater than what you can imagine. The only problem is you cant see past what you are and who you was. You're frustrated and thats ok. But you have to try another tatic.

(......I hate life) 

{Fortunately it's not there to be loved is there to be lived.}