Magnum opus ????

So i brought a book of zen off my bro recommendation. The thing that kept me away from books like that was the fact they seem to useless. i would look up philosophers  and study poetry like rumi and understand it but at that age i was Like "yeah yeah we are all one ok we Must be patient yea graditude is the most important thing" but one noone related so they just became random facts. Since i could never get them out and two because i wanted to not be here anymore i didnt really care about it. Ironically, tonight i was putting all of it together and started realizing the weight of alot of those quotes that i over looked in the past. I was trying to figure out life to much in the past. I wanted to know the experience without experiencing it. Now it's different. I want to do something with what i know instead of being just an encyclopedia. You know its funny alchemy (another form of study) and philosophy goes hand in hand (hense the philosopher stone) it took until now to get the connection. All of it is usefully when it comes to accomplishing a dream i wanted for a long time.


                                  Story time

When i was younger and i mean a young child i wanted the world to be a happy loving and peaceful place. I knew at a young age that  it wasnt and as i got older i started to realize it was going to get better. So i started to study human life i like seeing what makes people do the things they do. I went to biology (i wanted to be a doctor first) then i found out about the mind (i wanted to be a psychologist at this point) and eventually sliped into philosophy. That way it wouldnt just be one human but a group of them. Finally landing on astrology ,alchemy and other ancient teachings. The world became a playground at that point. I figured i knew everything about everything. As i grew older i found out thats far from the truth. I learned just because you know that 2+2=4 doesnt mean you know how. So just because i knew all these facts dont mean i know how to apply it. Especially to my life. After watching naurto i started to become enraptured by pain's philosophy of life. How we all need pain in order to grow. Thats something i lived  for a while without even knowing it. The cutting was the physical part. The self destructive nature was more spiritual and the negative mindset was the emotional and mental. I always say if a person is used to pain something heavy have to hit them in order for them to grow. This works so much with alchemy (favorite field of study ) to put something through great soul through stress in order for it to be the best it be.

"I was black as my soul i seen it as coal i turn it to gold"  -j3tt blizzi

And that was my dream to be a  perfect  person( a gold soul ) to show people its possible..........


This no longer exist as a dream of mind

As i said before my life path is number 9 (numerology putting everything together huh)
We are a service to the people so as a child my first thought to make the world a better place should and will be achieved!
How ?
Through art mainly music but art nevertheless that way i can get my point acrossed without sacrificing who i am.
The message?
To quote pain(from Naruto) "we believe that humans beings simply cant understand each other and they never will"
Pain and love is the most relatable things humans have. This can be something that can unite us and have us grow together. Raise the consciousness together as one. It will be possibly impossible in this life time but that wont mean i wont try my hardest.
Use alchemy to take pain and make love.I just want to bring peace .An added bonus is the fact i can see things from another person perspective.  So with their point of view i can see their pain

Everything in my life can be used for this i have a life mission
And i
Will
Not
Fail!!
THIS WILL BE MY MAGNUM OPUS!!!

Mars in aries (personal)

They are given to impulsive action, and they are not known for sticking things through. Although their physical energy is great, they can lose their initial enthusiasm quickly. Mars in Aries natives are easily irritated by indirectness from others.

I haven't really looked over my natal chart until today but one that really stuck out is the fire sign i have. For the longest i begged for a fire to spark inside of me and i had it at the most important place to have it. Lately i have been real focused on trying to have a social life again and juggle a career, a job and the risk of self destruction. I got some good advice from a my mentor of arts.

" its always best to have a solid foundation"

I know that  it dont sound so ground breaking but hear me out. I've only taught myself how to get up and when i build something normally it would have terrible foundation due to my indecisive nature.

 "Should i do writing or poetry ? What about photography and video? And what about the music? Should i produce or just rap? Should i go to a different genre??"

All these questions and more buzzed around my head which would cause me to knock the structure that was poorly built and start again. To me thats part im familiar with. Getting back up .....idont know.... i think i saw it as a badge of honor i can keep getting back up. As if it was showing my resilience but looking that not resilient.....thats stupidity. Its like having a shield and just standing on the battlefield holding up the shield. Yea its a great asset but if you dont move forword with it, its useless. So now with a mindstate to make foundation me being motivated actually come easy. I just needed a goal.... Which brings me to the original reason i wrote this ...... I dont have anything like nothing. I know its best to be grateful n i am. I have a job ,i have my cell phone bill paid , i always got a way to travel. But i .....want ....MORE!
Its not even in a greedy type of way its more of a i see others who have simple things and i feel likw im at a stage in my life where its perfectly acceptable for me to have or aspire to have these things. One of my goals was to leave a mark n if i cant do simple things like live how can i leave a mark ????? I want my own place, i want my own car, i want to get my own camera , my own mic , they will come tho and thats what im learning as long as i continue on my path. I will get it . ive made claims like this before but like i said, that foundation line really struck a nerve with me. So simple but so significant.  I'm gonna get it slowly but surely

Equalvalnt exchange

Work +time= steps ahead

421.......the day after

Whats better escaping or faith?......maybe i need to be alil bit more specific.

Ok

Lets say you're in a room filling up with poisonous gas. The gas would take at least a day for it to be effective. There is a sign in the room that tells you the gas will stop eventually but you will have to pull a lever at a certain unknown time to clear the air until then you cant leave.  What would do? Would you try to escape? Or would you put your trust in the sign and wait for the right time to pull the lever?

Sloppy scenario aside,alot of us go through this in life. We would be placed in a situation where its no way out and we would just need to be patient and have faith but faith is not really something that can be easily refilled. More about that later.

Another scenario you are working out everyday lifting weights. You start with 15lbs until they become light. The next day you move to 20lbs until they become light and so on. What if you didnt get that day of rest. What if as soon as you become used to the 20lb weight your trainer dont let you leave and you have to immediately jump to 25lbs. You gonna feel the burn of the 20lb work out and the new burn and strain of the 25lb work out.

Thats a better (in my opinion) way to describe life. Random occurrence that just make you feel like your faith in a better life is being tested.

                                                               .........it is
And it needs to be the further you get in life the more troubles you are going to go through. How the saying goes 'mo money mo problems'? but for the poor its more same money mo problems. This where both escapism and faith come in at.

Escapism is the reason why  alot of people use tree(weed , loud,marijuana, sticky icky,  that yea doe, collard greens , antidote). When you high you dont think about your debt or crippling depression. You mind is free to think about what you want and look at it from a different point of view and sometimes not think about it at all. Beside god's grass, its alot of things people use to escape. It could be video games, movies, tv shows, music and of course social media. These escapes help our mind relax so we wont be overwhelmed by our struggle and strain. However, everything works in moderation and sometimes we get consumed by the escape we never want to go back n solve the problem.


Back in the first scenario, i wonder how many would try to find a way out instead of waiting to just use the lever? This is where escapism fails and faith steps in. See we escape for a momentary rest a break from the workload we have to go through in life. Like the day of rest i said in the second scenario (see they all make sense it wasnt just random hypothetical questions) but the things is its for a short term. Faith on the other hand is very much long term.


Faith in ...anything can actually push and motivate you to keep going. Faith in a dream , a deity, a love one hell even faith in your self works. It makes you believe that the stuggle you are going through will not be in vain. You can see it in a lot of movies and tv shows. The character would be down on their luck until someone gives that character something to believe in (faith) and the character becomes extreamly motivated for their goal. The only drawback with faith is keeping it strong. We live in a world of stimulus and distractions so finding escapes is easy but the world can be very negative and if we dont see a silver lining faith will dwindle. once its low we would be left with our problems and escapes from said problems and more problems will be added on making us eacape more. The cycle will continue.

You know why people fail at working out. They focus too much on the now rather than the future. They feel like its not working and quit instead of having faith that it is working its just gonna take sometime. Anything we do its gonna take time and work to achieve the higher quality of life you want the more work and time it takes to get it. Its the law of equivalent exchange.

Anyway its escapes are good they like candy and junk food real good for the time being. Just remember sometimes to get some healty food in you. Be around people who will give you faith to keep going. Because anyone can make you forget your problem its another thing to have people make you remember your dream.

But thats just my interpretation of the situation

Now im going to continue smoking n meditating.