Smile ......what for ?

Twice someone mentioned the fact that life is getting better and its hard to take that in and actually have that be a good thing. Alot of people would smile and say something like "yea it sure is" or something along those lines. Me,on the other hand, either ignore the acknowledgment or twist it about them. So my naturally introverted self asked "why is that so taboo in my world? Why the thought of doing better scare me" or a better question " why is that consept so uncomfortable for me to grasp"?




Do i not want to be happy ?
Thats up for debate, but for the most part yes



Do i think i dont deserve to be happy?
Hell no of course i deserve it

Well is my life getting better?


Yes, and i feel extremely guilty about it. I can do more. I can be more. I can daft punk this life (and get harder faster better stronger) and my question before was why. Why be a chorus on kanye west probably most liked album(i find mbdtf alot more enjoyable but to each its own) why do i have to get better.  Now i have a why. I feel guilty because im so used to being the depressed guy and if im not that guy anymore who would i be? Not only that if im trying to be better why do i not feel it as much as i should? The only thing i can think of is because im still working towards something so i wont be fulfilled. Ok make sense, but its like something i said before ive spun so much time and energy being mad or sad or upset that happiness joy amd other emotions of the sort is a challenge for me to express. Its not more of feeling it, its expressing it. I noticed it while i was on vacation its easy to be upset but hard to fight the feeling to be so and enjoy the moment. (And we gonna ignore the anxiety i had the whole time about going back to work because i feel like im missing out)

Im too tired to continue to be honest..................

I barely want to put this out


But thats another problem.............