i've gettng better

I hope this don't fade away as quickly as it came. but it didn't before so I hope it works the same way. I don't find pleasure in being impatient  but now detacthing myself from this jo and trying to devote my life to being a better writier and a better boyfriend is all I care about. Other things can be handled in an orderly fashion and it would be
just now I'm focusing on two
writing
girlfriend



heres how I explained it to myself earlier in a meditaion session
I have a lot of things I must do in orderfor me to fell fulfilled
this involves juggling
nothing wrong with that
the issue is I try to hold all the balls in my hands without throwing them up in the air and learning how to judgle
I'm just holding them
then when it gets to much in my arms I drop them and be upset they dropped and now have to pick them up again.
not only those this causes a mess to happen but it makes it extremely difficult to maintain.
I'm focusing on too many goals at once. I thought neglecting them would help but it only helps if I'm choosing to do something with the balls I have in my hands already.
With that said ill focus on two and just two right now until they like habits. once that happens I bring more in slowly but surely making room in my life for things I want to accomplish

Now why writing and being a better boyfriend
the boyfriend part is easy happy spouse ,happy house.
if she's stressing me out, shit anit getting done
if I do the same, same results
we have to be on the same page or at least work to get on the same page.

The writing can help clear my mind and make me feel more validated on being a writer. this way i'll get used to writing instead of the idea of writing. Writing is one of those things you can fanaticize, dream and talk about without actually doing it, So it time to put the self discipline in this and giving the fact its one of the new balls I picked up its gonna be one of the hardest habits to make.



I was always tell people its all about timing and get anxious by my own clock when what I need to do it trust the clock work on my own time and actually put in the work.

So you see I'm getting there I'm starting understand. ive been on a flow state with writing more than once lately so its been coming more and more. and when I can reach this flow state instantly I add something else until I'm the man I envision my self to be.





but there in lies one little problem



I don't know what that man look like anymore



hopefully
you can help





based on what  I tell you what do you see ???