Two worlds (8:01pm 9/22/15

The way I think is not really what you would call orthodox. My mind spins everyday and it goes at a rate that I cant control. Most times im trying to find the reason I feel empty that's been now my mission of life. Its no longer just trying to gain knowledge and evolve but more of trying to fill a void with ........ something. I have no idea more what exactly I need or want. and it comes to a point where im looking for what I want or what I need. I want to be around like miii can evolve by being in the circumference of likeminded people. However im around the opposite which is not always bad its more of a plus due to the fact that difference brings change. maybe its the fact that I love  this fantasy world I created so long that I haven't let go of it. which brings up another question should I consider this world a fantasy or a possible  reality. The drugs, the sex , the love (big difference), the music , the experences. I guess with all of this knowledge im gaining for my spiritual  im getting bored physical. the spiritual growth is a part of the thing that fills the void but its not completed.








Maybe im bored or thinking too hard

Male and Female

Males are more logical
Females are more emotional
That's it .....................................








ok let me explain male minded people are more logic. They think with their head and mind and female minded people are more emotional they think with their hearts. Let me go in to more details. Females minded people are driven by an emotion so if  that emotion is bitterness, love, jealousy determination etc female minded people use this and run with it. Most times this is unshaking unless something happens(something sometimes drastic) but its more likely to change than a male minded person. Hence the reason most females say that males don't really change. Males think the way things are should be the way it should stay. They feel it wont change or shouldn't change and the female will fall in love and that drive will change from whatever it was before to love. So love is now the driving force. the male minded is the same which makes the female minded person changing so its up to the male minded person to either activate the female part of their mind or stay in their mindset, and yes everyone has both. We need both to function its somethings we need to think about with a logical standpoint and other times we need a emotion point of view to have a reaction to a certain event or action. Here's my thing its males minded people who think that love is stupid because in a sense it is Love is the most powerful feeling in the world and you have to feel pain in order to feel it (and im talking about unconditional love here not I love you when things are convenient type love ) to sacrifice your things for someone else and them to do the same its pretty stupid hence the term love is blind or why do fools fall in love. The flaws with female minded people the driving force can be lust or even love but switches with emotion. The main point is to be the yin yang with this said I don't think a soulmate is a person but another way of thinking the ability to perfectly switch between both "male and female " just something to think about

everything starts a dream

I just had a vision or question view of how my life will be and it was pretty ideal. First I was an artist (I'm starting to hate the term rapper) and I was successful as basically as that sounds u haven't really had dreams like that my future was never a focal point for my dreams so it was kinda a reassurance that I'm on the right path my intention is good and I believe if they remain like that it will be better.The stress from people or myself us small n I can let go I'm building on myself and that means everything too help not everything that is pleasurable because just because it's pleasurable doesn't mean it's good these are basically concepts but it's different when you understand them. So right now I can do what I have to do without the feeling of being left behind I had more to say but the I try to remember the more I forget so sad but it's how it is



FINALLY YOU HAVE ACCEPTED ME 

the enemies in here

After years of pessimistic thinking and misanthropic behavior I have gain a sense of love but yet a sense of detest against myself I should change that I didn't gain love I gained tolerance for myself hence why when people "deal" with me I tell them everything I need because I know what can take this negativity emotional down but the sad part is I need the help of others u hate that both sides do but it's hard when you are in a relationship normally I would just go away and be alone and grow but in a relationship I just have to keep dealing with these unresolved issues that anit outsider brought up or I brought up real quick triangles with me and see my side imagine being told that you anit shit by another person it's kinda fucked but if it's by your self then it's worse you can't leAve yourself so you just have to take it other wise suicide will be on your mind and reckless behavior will follow so in conclusion these enemies of this shell is not the world it's me now if I break this shell without the proper training I will hAve to do the whole process again and it's hard to make it if you barely a caterpillar but not a butterfly or a moth




Accept me 

I can't know you must be fixed

I am who I am and it's cool I see a lil hint that you have it's only a matter of
Time

Time?

Exactly

The shell

The shell I live in is a harden silk
its hard but yet still fragile
I allow people to cradle its up to them to crush or cater
now the thing is as a caterpillar I will let them crush and break me down
the now inside of the cocoon I have learn to defend myself
against any intruder
if this is the case then the battle within this cocoon will leave nothing but a butterfly
however a moth can be made
it depends on the battle


A moth is something that blindly goes towards something that is attractive to them
 a butterfly is free to go and do whatever it wants




but the thing is to not get destroyed by the outside forces
I need to strengthen this shell
.........Badly
because this is getting hard






Do you know who I am now?


I have a idea


so are you ready to accept


not yet


you will be

status update 7:34 9/3/, 11:00 9/7

What people need to understand that I have a.problem I have depression

With a lil other things mixed In like trust issues ,shutting down,annoyance by the feeling of being ignore so when people do the last one it make me shit down because I got trust issues it's a chain now how people can break the chain is making me feel special this would make me vulnerable and want to talk this breAking the chain but no-one does ok that's a bold claim let me say it's not often I could put I'm depressed on Facebook and everyone will ignore it if they do it I'm there now question I'm tired of playing second banana to people with my problems (I'm always there even if I'm feeling scared .About the main outcome but with me howcome whenever it's my turn  vent everyone say I'm done)I wrote that close to see year in some change and there's no change I'm trying to think positive but suicide is calling how can i not answer

Awoken 5:24 9/3/15

I see nothing but darkness but when im locked in here I feel alone but somehow ok when someone  disrupting my slumber I get a negative vibe attacking my silk self made prison  due to my restraints its nothing I can do. I have to choose to deal with it but my thirst for knowledge has definitely increased ironically my thirst in women have decreased usually I will wake up and be horny but the only thing I wanted to do was learn nothing that serious just something besides simple entertainment on youtube. my psychic or  intuition feelings have been more correct than before I need to start listening to them ill avoid more drama. hopefully I can raise my positive viberation so I can handle this day........








Good night


Good night But who are you


you know who I am


....
im someone you need to survive