i dont feel so good....

                            "Is there something in the air? Do you feel it? Is it close? Is it far? Is it here? Do you feel it? Are you happy? You sad? You scared? Do you feel it? Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it fair? Do you feel it? Is it real? Is it fake? Do you care? Do you feel it?"


I feel sick..... physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I had so much to write about. but for some reason I cant.
hang on

(change youtube video)

Ah ASMR something I can ignore but still have in the background.

I can't work in silence but I can't work and focus

especially when it comes to just expressing myself




I find myself slowly descending into madness. Days are getting darker and the nights are just cold. There is something called seasonal depression and maybe i get it but normally get the most work done around this time of the year. I try to get my anger out any way that i can. Because honestly i go to sleep angry and wake up the same no matter what. But why ? I have no idea I looked up the way of anger(heres the video) and see it comes when we don't feel alive in a sense. I've been feeling dead for a while. Could be the job I wake up and come here and just sit and wait and get paid nothing more and nothing less. The people here either complain or gossip. To not sound pretentious I'm a lil above that. i don't want to talk about that. its a lot I don't want to talk about but I'm forced too or a lot I want to talk about but I cant. ITs unfair on my behalf because I have certain emotions n thoughts I want to express but I can't completely. Not anything about ....." her " more on that later


I'm distracted again.... I'm getting tired this is unfair. I wanted to express myself I had things I wanted to say to slay my frustrations but no my mind shuts down as the energy drink drains my body. I just want my bed. That's going to be cold regardless if anyone is in. The only thing I can really just say is this.



Life is overrated being morally good is overrated. Love is overrated.

I want power. I said multiple times I believe the greed of power is the root of evil but I don't care. I'm tired of being behind I'm tired of being looked down upon. I want to have power. I want to be looked at as someone great I don't feel great I feel worthless and once again angry. I want the world to pay for what they did no not to me but to everyone else I had the power ill destroy this world. maybe that's why I like writing so much it gives me a control over a world. I believe I said that before but its the truth. I really hate the corruption of this world  .......This is why I want to die........ im corrupted if yall seen whats in my dark mind no one would talk to me that's why I try so hard to be good because I know how I can be

"The world turns its back on you 

you turn your back on the world"

My fucking body hurts my head hurts do it sounds like I'm complaining good I can show emotions here because on the outside world I can't I have to hold everything in. I want to emotionless on the surface or maybe I mean calm and collected not letting things get to me but beneath the surface, I'm making the next move like chess. my emotions always tell what I'm thinking when I don't care you know I don't care when I'm upset you know when I'm upset. With great training, I will learn how to hide all I have inside. My voice would betray me and my face won't betray me ill just be cool all the time. Maybe that would make the ones around me feel better so they no just scared to talk to me, oh you so aggressive .......ah fuck that shit"







IDC I'm done I'm tired

 

n i cant see