Pressure on locks

People don't understand the thoughts I can't express. I'm done trying to explain them to humans in various ways. I want to be a serial killer. They are obsessed over. People go into major details about their lives. Trying to figure out what caused them to be what they are. They try to ......understand them.

That amount of dedication
such passion
i crave that obsession.


I wanted to be wanted when I was  younger but  it wasn't enough
then I wanted to be loved but  that was enough
Now I want to be understood.

and its not there. It never is. Well not completely.


I hide so much but i'm a open book.Yes ,I still have skeletons in my graveyard that i wouldn't show to anyone in this fucking world. Because i feel no one deserves to see it. They don't put in the work to actually dig deep. i can study myself and come to the conclusion that i am easy to understand. Its just scattered everywhere in music, poems , writings everywhere. i  feel like its consumed not digested.Its just read forgotten and moved on.


So i try to live a healthy life. Communicating, becoming social , laughing more, loving more, giving respect and gratitude. It doesn't feel like it's enough it feels like its more i need. Me having a child wont help. ill just fuck up that life. (contrary to popular belief)

I don't want success. I want to be adored. I want flowers dropped at my damn feet. I want to let go of this pent up aggression. I want to destroy something in a response of holding in for so long.I went from being a non-caring motherfucker to a good upstanding citizen of this nation. The recklessness didn't go way. That fucking monster is still there just  locked in there. Begging to be released and it's getting harder to keep him in there when its other stuff being added to the same cell everyday. Self-discipline and self-control is hard to have when no one talks about it. They just figure that if you want to be better you just deal with it. Which is true but how about communicating and finding different outlets by being happy and showing gratitude it sounds nice and wonderful but i think i was wired wrong it doesn't work for me. I'm too sensitive and I'm too passive i'm trying to be better than before but its nothing but pressure.

pressure on locks . so maybe i wont be a serial killer just yet but if that cage is ever open

god have mercy on their souls



except for you whoever reading this


because you listen you care

Right?