"Hello friend"

Maybe if i write like writing to a persona instead of an audience i will feel better.
Well lately i've been telling you about the fear of letting go. That reckless self expression that would leave me feeling fine at the end of the day. Its still there even though my self expression is getting better. i just need to learn how not to care about how people feel to be honest thats not me so its hard ito even fake or learn to adjust to. im mean its possible i just said it s hard. I haven't wrote on my book for a while. i want to take my time with this so it can feel like a labor of love instead of just labor.

Anyway i've been trying to save money. Its harder than i thought to be honest but its hard to be honest.............
did you hear that? Yeah i still struggle with that. It still pops up from time to time in my moments of weakness im tired and slightly irritated so it comes up. its only going to get worst until i get rest. im  not going to be invincible and im not trying anymore.
just got to stick to the plan. oh i didnt tell you the plan well its too much to explain but emotionally detaching my self from situation is the goal.

im sorry what was i saying? im at the point where i just need to be stimulated without being mad im too tired to be mad to be real. i want sweets but i cant its the weekend i cant eat sweets.i just want to lay down n write poetry.

i dont feel that loving feeling that would be smothered in my poems. was it beaten out of me ? i feel like it was. and when i say that its a problem

fuck can you help me
please
let me talk to you


i just need you to listen.
please
pls
just
listen
because i want to talk , vent, express, analyze etc

i love words so dialog conversations monologues

so i welcome you again because i know yu will be back