The anxiety killed me
i cut myself
it was a release
but so disappointing
i havent done that since 2014 i believe
and one night i lost control
As i say many times before i can repair myself. Thats the easy part to just restore myself. Put my guts back in and stample the wounds shut and keep it pushing.
However i cant anymore i have "people " who care so it hard to keep pushing them away. As much as i want to be toxic and have unhealthy habits. I have to fight for me.
.....for them.
im needed
im wanted............
My biggest problem is why i dont i want it
i dont deserve happiness i havent figured this out yet
Why in my head i dont deserve or see happiness anywhere close in my future
i have moments of enjoyments They come and go like everything in life
you got to go with the twists and turned.
in speakiing of twist and turns
you know the hardest thing about a rubiks cube
its not figurng out one color side thats the easy part
the hard part is trying to figure out the rest without messing what you done already. you have take risk then put everything back and if you dont you mess up what color you had and the color you was trying to get.
Life is money sadly as im coming to realise
how can a pure soul see hope if bills is in his face
?
medition with medication
i havent cried yet
.............i still need to
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