Never thought I will say it

I need  the (mind)rapist =therapist

Money have so much power here. Well now I have to use it to my advantage.

I'm  needy I see that now.

And I need someone to understand I'm going through stuff
My old friends only see it from their point of view which is from the past to now
My newer people's see what it could be without taking the past in consideration because they wasn't there to experience it or even understand it

Both is terrible and with me being introspective (even during times when I don't want to be ) it's always something new I can bring up to try to fix about myself

Then society affecting me in ways they affect the rest of the masses. The only difference I see it. And it hurts to have to keep taking these metaphorical pills.

These pills that pacify everyone to guard them from things that need to be done. Things that gives pleasure. Food,drugs, alcohol, sex,drama ,tv , Facebook, etc
This country feel like a damn nuthouse and I'm the one who flew over the cuckoo's nest.
I rather be lobotomized and smothered.

But no I have to "stay here" because it's a "safe thing to do"
I really don't feel like it.
Maybe I didnt fully heal from my suicide attempt
I wanted to cry
So bad

But  I  cant.
Just conti


Wake up
Go to work
Work on art that never be released because of fear
Be upset
Go to sleep
Repeat



I'm starting to hate myself again
Hence why I need the mind rapist to fuck with my mind to help get my head back in order


Funny my mind was never in order Im just extremely well at hiding
But not anymore I'm weak and I can't heal naturally