A typical day (dramatize)

Glimpse o f heaven

{I love that title by the way }

(Thank you. So it happened again. That dream where i saved the world. Now i could chalk this up to being a narcissist with a hero/savior complex. But no. This dream was way to vivid. However i cant remember it when i woke up. ) Damn ( i know. I remember knowing that fact that i wont be able to remember it since its the second time i had this dream. So i know the rules and whoever was giving me the plans knew that i knew because i tried to wake up midway to get a pen. But my  Body was paralyzed) random guy used thunder wave. ( 👀 what's up with you today)  im happy (oh yea i forgot give me a minute ill get to you) { and the title fits his situation too }( Thank you jimi. Back to my point i had it to save the world. I dont know if this is a sign that im on the right path. Or i lost my way . its just lately my intention been pure with alot especially with).......her. Play some music for my part ( what you want to hear?) Either walkin by thundercat or something old school with soul (so you play im so into you tho ) it fits right (that is true) anyway i had the greatest date. It was simple but exciting we went skating and a dinner ....something simple. But it was the feeling. I was skating. That was a fear of mine i told everyone and after 18 years i finnally went ( angel in disguise -brandy)  ok but it felt too real most times i would be like "everyone is watching" "no i don't want to go ill chill " but i feel like i have to step my shit always around her like i have something to prove. But the beauty of it is ....i dont. She's so accepting on who i am. I feel like its not just tolerating me based on the fact im /was suicidal or depressed ( all that i can say - mjb) thank you but as i was saying she not with me because i have the qualities of a "good husband" its just me but this scares me as i write this because it might go away or might just be that way since we just met (calm down your panicking ) no!!!! what if everyone is right we get into a relationship and we fail ( then that will be the greatest fucking failure. look, you look at the past and the future which is good but heres some problems with that ) nothing really matters lauryn hill ( the past cause depression and the future causes anxiety. You worrying about what if and all that what happen to being "all in")  i understand that.... ( how do she makes you feels ?) 😄😊😀😔😁😂😫😅😑😏 (ok...... I thought you was going to use words but emojis work.... I guess well ... That seems fairly positive) she makes me feels pleasant ...special .....worthwhile ....( Something to live for??? ) ......... (Then thats something to fight for. if someone make you feel like this , dont run out of fear it will leave, fight so it will stay. ) {Diary -alicia keys} thank you jimi im scared i will destroy her (what i said eariler about intentions, keep them pure and you should be fine. Which mean dont be afraid of the truth rather giving or accepting it. Just go with the flow ){whatever you want tony toni tone} (and do everything to your best abilities ) and that's what i feel with her.. to just do the best i can do .....i just want to make her happy ( well she told you {multiple times} that you make her happy just stop thinking so much thats my job. ) its hard when you see a glimpse of heaven in someone eyes

{

}

(What ??)

{Since when do you say poetic words??? Thats my job!!}

lights flicker on and off as sit in a room

Inside this vacant, desolate spot is me and you.

As the lights shines i see beauty, when it fades 

I hold my arms out so i can feel beauty

But as long as we're together, the lights in my chest remains on so you can see what i feel...

You

(

{

}

And this is why im scared in the first place....

(Dont be its a good thing. You just not used to it)

All in (Breakin news) /jett leads\

im thinking of these words as I am writing them. After looking up the lyrics of the kid cudi song "All in" I realize instead of a love song ,like I  though it was, it was actually a message to his fan about his music. He was saying his heart was "all in" the commitment to the craft and to keep making great art for his fans. I thought it was it was all in to another person. He says "no one makes me feels secure except you and now im all in" . When he said you I thought was obviously talking to another person like a conversation but no he was talking to "you " the listener. When you consider an outcast or a loner or weird, you tend to seek for a place where you can just fit in with people who understand you. I can relate to that. I think a number of other artists who actually show who they are to connect with fans. To make you feel less insecure and isn't that what we need. A bunch of people who can connect over something. idk maybe im thinking too hard . But here's the kicker (the big surprise) Ive met someone like that . someone who make feel less..........insecure. Now I have people in my life that also do the same thing but this one ...............is different

(I thought batman always have a plan )
Shut up
Anyways I was thinking about doing the same thing with my music. showing all sides of me and basically being an open book. (This is gonna leave me exposed) not necessarily. There is a reason why you learned your defensive tactics just so you can open up easily(ok make sense) so with that said I got to become my number one fan again. I doubt my music is good because its not like everyone else.(or not on the levels of the greats ) but the  thing is I have to make own lane and do whatever feels right. all my life I knew thing without me knowing things it was a gift if you will. the whole point is to trust the universe (god ) {jah} (the creator) yourself then maybe life would be easy think before I act but don't forget to act






heres the song if you wanted to hear it


all in

Good times cant even be at a good time

All this good news im getting two pregnancies and my friend got her house. Things are looking up. {Then why looking so down} to be honest i dont really know i know it will be going down idk if its with the person who makes me smile the most this month alone then i have been in a while. (You move too fast) not by my knowledge im moving by intention or by what my heart says. My mind plays the backseat( and thats how you got fucked up before) i regret nothing but i dont know if its just the universe blessing me because the love i spread in the past or is just the way i feel im not alone. I feel strong i feel capable on handling life {"when the last time i asked for help i couldnt get from anyone else") Until you feel the fear to smile
Until you feel the fear of happiness
Or a good life
Or love.
You will never understand how i feel

{I kiss the sky knowing one day it will kiss back
I wanted to see death saw him and saw what i lack
Was it a peace of mind?
Was it the end ?
I think it waz freedom
I want to be free but was too dumb
To not see the path
Its seem so obvious that i laugh
Make heaven in the hell we call earth
And the then and only then you will see your worth}



Frequency +intention =healing

Growth n fear

 Ever since i decided to give Romana a try(......) I've learned to listen to things around me. I think it was the lack of tree{less oxygen forced me to breathe in a different way see in a different way } that actually sparked an influence for a change.with this new perspective,ive been seeing signs to actually leave my job . (kinda like that book "the alchemist" ) yes exactly like that. My time there is up i felt it coming and more i ignore it the less and less happy i will become. I just want to do what i want. i want to be free. And i will be(speak it in to existence) i see it now.  The fear i speak of come from my sudden realizing i push people away because i don't want them to die. I know death is inevitable i dont want to feel that pain. Ive lost people in my life, alot of people. From different circumstances. But its never easy but it reminds me that i have to look out whats best for me. Depresssion makes me forget that. It make me think of death as a destination (final destination😂) 😒ok anyway it shouldnt be about death but more about life. (I remember feeling like this before) yes but its not like how it is before one we got god(............) We have to accept it (i wont accept an imaginary friend ) you would be ignorant to not say your blessed(ok ) nuff said you dont even believe that truly because you dont believe its someone(something) ok it can be both. A god ,the universe and Any other being of higher power. Accept the laws of duality. You need choas to have order and Control to be free. (So its maintaining self control ) to be on the road to you being free( hmmmm) thats the power that this new way of thinking got me on.! But to finish my thought we have jimi and we have that need to be better.  Im loving life right now and if i follow this path i 👀 it only getting better

(i agree)

We gave jimi the wheel?????

When it comes to sanity its safe to say that jimi have it. Jett on one hand is too damn logical to the point of overthinking which causes us to either make the wrong choice or do nothing. Im too emotional which could be good until i make stupid decisions till the point where it makes no sense or only sense to me and they have to get me out the jam. most times its jett that have to and we fight over it because im embarrassed that i put us in the situation or im disappointed in myself for being gullible. Jett would get mad i would be hurt and lash back. Now normally jimi would sit back and not really care only feeling the need to come in when he see is necessary. However hes been taking more control and sense hes the mediator we not going to argue with him. Now while its hard to actually hard to shift back and forth with all of us. If hes in control i think we can make it work. With my raw emotion Jett intellect and Jimi artistic value and need to branch out to do something new. we could be a real force to be reckoned with. I do have a question.

(Yes)

Why did we wait this long?

(Jimi didnt want the wheel)

Why did we want too

(Maybe because we was forced too)

Time to embrace us just be silly

(Serious)

{And creative}

The only reason why im here

{I just want show my art. as soon as sos gets done i wont really care what happens andre been wanted to die jett just wants to rule.andte wanted to save the world but dont want to disrupt. Jett on the other hand, wants to control. I just want to show my art. Let people do what they want. They going to do that any way. Not try to find facts or even a conclusion. Just something to justify their desires which in turns be hate. Andre wants love out of hate. Jett want balance out of disorder. I could careless about about i just want true expression of ones self. Thats it . i want to be remembered. I probably wont hence why i just want to release my art and let the humans do what they want with it because at the end of the day what the artist think doesnt matter its all perception right.



A mouse look big to an ant
A cat look big to a mouse
A human looks big to a cat
If a human never look up they would think they are the biggest thing in the world.

God's view

Is death a bitter end or a sweet release?
Are we living or just dying slow?
Beautiful lies makes us happy
But ugly truth sets us free
If this the true why dont we be free
And ......just.......die?



Beautiful death

A conversation simulation

People:why you so quiet?

             

  In my head

Andre: they dont care
Jett: i dont care that they care
Jimi: still should try
Andre: and bring up what? Cripplimg depression paranoia and ny anxiety that everything that could go wrong will.
Jett: or about the complexity of a soceity that will inevitably self destrust due to people being distracted. And fighting each other
Jimi: or about thr power of art and how it could change the world
Andre: you're pretentious
Jimi: and you a fucking brat
Jett: come on yall peace
Andre : fuck. You too that spirtual bullshit is pseudo science to make people like you feel better about your worthless existence
Jett: better than sitting back with a "oh woe is me " mood feeling sorry for yourself blaming the world for your problems. Then hide be hide your passive aggressive nature just to lash out later.
Jimi: this could be a good song yall
Andre : Shut UP !!! noone would want to hear this. They just want to be distracted from their own shit. And the ones who would say they would i dont want to put my problems on them
Jett:then they would worry or look at me like im crazy
Andre :WE'RE NOT CRAZY !!!!!
Jett : i know we not..... Just more ...comnect
Andre: we should die
Jett: why you think im smokeing
Jimi: guys they waiting for an answer
Andre : jett take over im tired
             

 Out my head 

Me: oh no reason just thinking
People: about
Me : just life
           

                In my head 

Andre : dont let them in
Jett: of course not
Jimi:thats  more damaging
Jett: you right.

        

        Out my head 

Me: what about you tho? how you feeling?

I don't know if i can be a suntan superman

I want to save the world i really do. But i know the number one rule only save those who want to save their selves. (You cant save everyone they not ready) then i want to save noone (thats negligible and immature) well ill just save myself ( thats selfish ) well ill save the ones around me (irresponsible) how? (Whats your specialty?) .....words? (Ok why people like you ) i guess because i understand and relate(ok so if you know words can convey a point ,message or picture and you already relate why not use your word) to make a point and blah blah blah. Yea i could but a lil problem i havent recorded in a while and to keep one hundred i think im trash sometimes im not as poetic as blu or steez and im not as relateable like many other talented underground and indie artist-{the indie scene is looking crazy nowadays i really hope they can keep the torch lit with good music }thank you jimi but im not as appealing as mickey factz or drake im not as conscious as lupe. Im not even as unique as charles im basically just an echo chamber(one bullshit two nothing new under the sun three how you dont have faith in yourself ) because my mind move faster than my hand ,feet and time allows. Introspection is not done yet im moving on conversation. Introspection will not be my magnum opus its just a release of depression by the looks i wont even make conversations.

....
(........ha)
Whats funny
(You think about your future with one person)
Yea...so
(You dont even think about a future being here yet you want a future with Ramona)
.......i would appreciate if you dont point the flaws of my thinking


{Ill take over.
I come closer and closer with death with no fear
It is an alchemist mission to die to just be resurrected
I must learn how to transmute the noice and bring the  Solace Of Silence
And through the quiet nights we weep as a people and learn how to heal......together}

Romona playlist (in-complete) {revisited}

Venus in gemini.

Dont leave

Knocking on the door

Too high (acrophobia)

Playing chess in the moonlight

Passing lites

Pretty fine (2eyes)

More than a looker (3eye)

Moon in leo

Cycles

I swore this was discussed but anyway life is cyclical...........time is too. Mind blown. There is a differnce with knowing and experienceing i am experienceing it now. Words are being repeated. Feelings being repeated. Thoughts being repeated. But i also feel like the world is too just in a different way. This is the 60s\70s again from my feeble perception. Think about the free love movement and the drugs, civil unrest ,the race war. Now i wasnt there in the past so i wasnt going to assume the people back then was more intelligent and less likely do stupid shit like have challenges that whole point is to just waste shit. Or what they would do for the pussy or dick. Its probably was a one time thing but now adays the cool thing is to take one thing and stretch it out until you cant use it anymore. This is why memes are so popular. It has a premise that everyone as a  collective know and someone adds a twist. If you didnt get it you shit out of luck. Its a insiderr . The truest definition of nothing new under the sun. Its becoming more n more beneficial to live in my blissful ignorance. i have been doing it alot more due to the fact that if i just focus on every flaw i see ,i would lose it. I see people crying i see people dying i see people hurting. And holding it all in. To others its invisible to me its kinda conspicuous. Everyone is hurt i study pain and death or at least try to (fucking slacker) im ignoreing you. But i wish we as a collective of people learn how to let go of the pain instead of numbing it. That way we wont be consumed by it inevitably adding more pain on top of it then we would have to numb again. See what i mean its a cycle and quite frankly im sick of it. And I was on the breaking point of losing it . keyword. Was