No k"new" friends hedonism Flow

I have no connection with none of my friends. Well let me reword I have less a conncetion with some of my friend when I figured out who I was I just realized when its a group of us we don't vibe right I mean we laugh but its about it I don't want to just do that anymore I want to elevate with someone art wise spiritually mentally but I cant with certain people so like a lot of people I just don't fit in and that's ok ill just be by myself more often and when I get too stuck in my head where no one can reach me that would be their fault n quite frankly I really don't care because its my life n I will never put anyone before me ever again


EVER AGAIN

Lonely

I dont know what to feel i love to be alone but when i get around others i laugh and try to be social but then i get ready to be alone again then when im alone i want company  i think i want a certain type of company maybe a hug or a kiss some love some feeling some  appreciation  but i guess it wont be given to me im slowly becomeing more into the cocoon only caring about making my self better




I WANT LOVE😔😔😔😔



No i want to leave .....

No i want new friends......
No i need  to be emotionless.......
No i need to leave

sasori

I feel I am a puppet like empty for some reason I don't really like this feeling like its a mixture I feel sad for some reason then again its not sadness Ill say lonely I can be alone I actually like being alone but its sad I hate when this weather hits because most times I wont have people to chill


emptiness
this carcass I resides in
gives me pleasure and pain
but its not who I really am its just fin
like shark at a distance being disgused by rain
can you see the truth or do you not want to
judge me by apprearce and get mistaken
darkness is the tentent in this shell who?
would ever leave me shaken
im black as my soul
I was made first so no god given
I have no control
so im done with living




Im not committing suicide im just accepting death and waiting for it
why should I love love if love don't love me

back for a reason and then some

i never thought i would have to go back to blogging but since im single and have no one to talk to any social media outlet i guess ill vent on here i want to make my death the ultimate work of art no one can keep me here no child no partner no anything my art will be accepted and respected but it cant if im still alive the way i feel the only time im happy is if im thinking about ending it i don't know why i tried to fool myself by thinking i can be happy with a person this is made for me by no means i guess i have to accept that fact by the time someone would read this voluntary  i would be long gone and then it would be rip and we love you but if that was shown when i was here it wouldn't have happened or people would bitch and moan about how they could have helped well i sent many signs and no one ever tried to do anything about it or the most likely situation they would just forget about until they see these multiple blogs stating numerous times that i need help but they never listen until its too late

npc 12:56 10/10/15

My life feel like it's full of random encounters with random people I guess that's why Iike pokemon because pokemon are things we want to master as a skill we train out side in the real world and get a badge by showing Orr your skills in a gym I guess game theory and Mario tonight

Self destruction

The more I can see the world is the more I feel alone




that's it








im gonnna end this all soon








I swear

sometimes

I want to leave this life it's dull I believe I'm too open minded and interesting to honestly be on this life that of have to escape I try to subdue the other part of me to not get lost in my own world but it's hard not to when this world you live in is to boring




Lonely but not alone 
Zoning out but not in my zone
I once loved with out being in it 
The difference .....


I look at children and want my own but I'm afraid of the outcome like what if they are disabled in any way I brought them in to this world in pain with disadvantages they didn't ask for and I know if this world is unfair and hard on me I know it will be more difficult for them

......Between loving  and  being in love is tolerance

Two worlds (8:01pm 9/22/15

The way I think is not really what you would call orthodox. My mind spins everyday and it goes at a rate that I cant control. Most times im trying to find the reason I feel empty that's been now my mission of life. Its no longer just trying to gain knowledge and evolve but more of trying to fill a void with ........ something. I have no idea more what exactly I need or want. and it comes to a point where im looking for what I want or what I need. I want to be around like miii can evolve by being in the circumference of likeminded people. However im around the opposite which is not always bad its more of a plus due to the fact that difference brings change. maybe its the fact that I love  this fantasy world I created so long that I haven't let go of it. which brings up another question should I consider this world a fantasy or a possible  reality. The drugs, the sex , the love (big difference), the music , the experences. I guess with all of this knowledge im gaining for my spiritual  im getting bored physical. the spiritual growth is a part of the thing that fills the void but its not completed.








Maybe im bored or thinking too hard

Male and Female

Males are more logical
Females are more emotional
That's it .....................................








ok let me explain male minded people are more logic. They think with their head and mind and female minded people are more emotional they think with their hearts. Let me go in to more details. Females minded people are driven by an emotion so if  that emotion is bitterness, love, jealousy determination etc female minded people use this and run with it. Most times this is unshaking unless something happens(something sometimes drastic) but its more likely to change than a male minded person. Hence the reason most females say that males don't really change. Males think the way things are should be the way it should stay. They feel it wont change or shouldn't change and the female will fall in love and that drive will change from whatever it was before to love. So love is now the driving force. the male minded is the same which makes the female minded person changing so its up to the male minded person to either activate the female part of their mind or stay in their mindset, and yes everyone has both. We need both to function its somethings we need to think about with a logical standpoint and other times we need a emotion point of view to have a reaction to a certain event or action. Here's my thing its males minded people who think that love is stupid because in a sense it is Love is the most powerful feeling in the world and you have to feel pain in order to feel it (and im talking about unconditional love here not I love you when things are convenient type love ) to sacrifice your things for someone else and them to do the same its pretty stupid hence the term love is blind or why do fools fall in love. The flaws with female minded people the driving force can be lust or even love but switches with emotion. The main point is to be the yin yang with this said I don't think a soulmate is a person but another way of thinking the ability to perfectly switch between both "male and female " just something to think about

everything starts a dream

I just had a vision or question view of how my life will be and it was pretty ideal. First I was an artist (I'm starting to hate the term rapper) and I was successful as basically as that sounds u haven't really had dreams like that my future was never a focal point for my dreams so it was kinda a reassurance that I'm on the right path my intention is good and I believe if they remain like that it will be better.The stress from people or myself us small n I can let go I'm building on myself and that means everything too help not everything that is pleasurable because just because it's pleasurable doesn't mean it's good these are basically concepts but it's different when you understand them. So right now I can do what I have to do without the feeling of being left behind I had more to say but the I try to remember the more I forget so sad but it's how it is



FINALLY YOU HAVE ACCEPTED ME 

the enemies in here

After years of pessimistic thinking and misanthropic behavior I have gain a sense of love but yet a sense of detest against myself I should change that I didn't gain love I gained tolerance for myself hence why when people "deal" with me I tell them everything I need because I know what can take this negativity emotional down but the sad part is I need the help of others u hate that both sides do but it's hard when you are in a relationship normally I would just go away and be alone and grow but in a relationship I just have to keep dealing with these unresolved issues that anit outsider brought up or I brought up real quick triangles with me and see my side imagine being told that you anit shit by another person it's kinda fucked but if it's by your self then it's worse you can't leAve yourself so you just have to take it other wise suicide will be on your mind and reckless behavior will follow so in conclusion these enemies of this shell is not the world it's me now if I break this shell without the proper training I will hAve to do the whole process again and it's hard to make it if you barely a caterpillar but not a butterfly or a moth




Accept me 

I can't know you must be fixed

I am who I am and it's cool I see a lil hint that you have it's only a matter of
Time

Time?

Exactly