dreams

I had a dream i was underwater. The only thing i had on my mind was trying to find new love or rather love in general. while searching i found a mermaid actually a group of mermaids. Now the thing is mermaid imagery was never really my thing. i never really got in to the lore of them or even found an allure to them. however i followed them down to the bottom of the ocean only to really find a solid answer on what i want. Right now at the moment of typing this i can not recall what was the definite answer but i do remember me being satisfied enough to wake up feeling good.

Another dream was more pragmatic. I saw myself be corrupted by the people around me. I was talking to some trusted men about women and the flaws with them and the only real advice i got from them was to say fuck them im young its in my best interest to just treat them like crap the same way they treated us. Now anyone who knows me personally knows i always try to make a reason on why the women treat us the way they do. Having sisters and females companions i see the fuck shit men do and realize that most times the men ways and actions play a big part on what makes a woman act a certain way. Not in this dream, in this dream i l fell more into victim role and said fuck it and treated random women like trash just fucking and leaving and having no remorse for my actions. i was the truest definition of a fuckboy.


now the second dream was a sight of what i could have been if i wasn't so attached to my moral when it comes to women. Being a fuck boy is easy its not hard , whats hard is admitting mistakes that what makes you a man but who am i to judge.
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i dont have a gavel.

dis connect ion

i don't really talk to anyone but at the same i have no problem with talking .....just not to humans
i love  dreams n they been increasing since ive been mediating kinda







ill tell my dreams





one day just not today i waited too long to write this n things got to get done




i might back to talking cryptic






its better that way (big krit)

Life and death

What fascinate me about life is death. I spend years to focus on the topic. Even wishing death on myself. i can't  really remember the solitary moment  when  this interest  peeked but i can assume that it was when i was watching a lil film on freak  accidents  that results in death. They said the odds of dying was 1 out of 1. This is the truest thing in the world. Ever since then I went on a search to find death. if I could find my old poems ive talked of death as a girl a craved(http://j3tttherav3n.blogspot.com/2015/08/the-continued.html) . I was nileistic, optimistic, hedonistic I was doing all of this due to fact I know i was going to die.("im impatient I want to get this over with") but I was afraid of life which backwards a lot of people are afraid of death but not me. this just gave me an I don't give a fuck attitude. Lately however after studying alchemy I see death as another chance of life. we all need to kill our self tho . not physically but with mental or even spiritually. we need new birth of course not all of us but its a great number of people I know who actually need to go through this process in order to grow. to let go off emotions that are toxic , thoughts that are toxic  and actions that are toxic. we all know this control how we run our lives. we think of things then put emotions behind it to have an action.. the fear of changing is what people the fear that this is the end, to be honest it is it is the end of the way they look at life. certain things wont appeal to you anymore. due to the fact you let that part of you die. just think nooone comes out the womb saying im going to be an addict it happens slowly over time due to various reasons and factors. these people leave rehab and start life anew. everyone have to look at life as this : we are all just one bad day away from going crazy. this would also help you stop judging people and the situations that they are in but also understand that we are one. it helps you becoming relateable to people just like pain. as you seen by my past blog post, pain and death is real close to each other both are needed in life










balance

The eternal battle

Today in america we are always at war. Not in the global sense but more in a introspective way. We fight between two main things: tradition and progression. The political parties basically built off this way of thinking democrats seemly more progessive while republicans  more traditional. Now an average person might say "well this is easy progress all the way" and they will be right the opposite  might argue that  traditional vaules are what we are lacking as a country and you know what they would be right as well. Both of these views have flaws but are both correct and needed  for a world that could peacefully coexist. Now this work on a metaphysics and even spiritual level as well. Masculine and feminine energy have less to do with gender or orientation  and more to do with the way one thinks. I spoke on this before so I'll make this brief. Masculine  energy is more logic straight forward  more static more ....traditional. While feminine energy is more emotional ever changing and yes more progressive. The reason we have these war are simple: power. We have been forced  to believe one must be over the other when that couldnt  be more  farther than the truth. We  need both to have peace and balance. After all for a war to end peacefully doesn't a compromise have to be reach so the positive  qualities both shine.  Call me an unrealistic optimist but i belive that is something to fight for. Not for one side to dominate but to have both win. I mean we all do what to win right?

Why be a myrter

This world is going to hell in a hand basket. People are the reason mainly because we cling to invisible belief. I say invisible because there is no actually proof to actually hold these things to be true and close to our hearts . When growing I was told to not talk about certain things. Politics and religion was among them. The reason is because people hold these things to their heart even going as far to blindly follow each tennet of each even if it doesn't agree on how they actually feel about the subject. This is toxic behavior due to the fact it leaves you closed minded to any new facts. This world is growing and evolving albeit slowly but growing nevertheless. Not to long ago top doctors said mental disorders are just demons inside the person mind. We are at the point now to know that's untrue. These "beliefs " work the same way old mixing with the new but if you keep old traditions in a new world you will be lost and highly outdated. Now heres why I cant be or why we don't deserve a mryter. When I say mryrter I mean like mlk someone who died in what he believed in. one we wont cherish them we treat the ones who protects us everyday like trash (no I don't mean the police they are part of the problem).  Think about the commitment people have to these ideals no matter how foolish they are they wont wake up to the truth. What's the truth you ask ill tell you. Its better to have ideas instead of blind faith belief. ideas can be changed beliefs are harder to actually change, Think about any religious fanatic or political nutjob. When you point out the flaws of their thinking they would dismiss it 9 out of 10 times. That's how devoted they are to cause me personally think trhats crazy as hell. its like facts are just staring you in the face but you choose to ignore them no based on anything else but how you feel. Now I know it sounds weird coming from me a person who champion free thought and free speech but thing is its not free thoughts hell its the opposite. They don't think like based on experiences or even facts its all based on a biased view point that most likely come from someone in the past who probably change their ideas if they lived in this day and age. the best way to combat this just be your own self  and let people do whatever. I myself wont put myself on line unless its for my own ideas which I will tell people to not blindly follow if you agree with me cool if you agree with some things but not others also cool because you are your own person and isn't that what this life is about? Now I bought this up because I was asked to do for my fellow black people and as much I love my people I cant put myself on the line where them their selves cant agree on a hero. They tear down brother Malcolm, Martin, Strokley Carmichael. Want to be called African Afro American melanated etc and forreal its tiring I know it shouldn't its all about the culture at the end of the day but that's a big undertaking.

Undocumented feelings

Due to my reclusive nature , my unwillingness to be completely vulnerable except on my blog(something i have been negelcting lately ) and the speed that my mind goes, its extremely  difficult for me to actually see  how far i came. None of my milestones are actually documented even though these last two years was the most life changing years. My thinking is different,my mannerisms are different, the way i handle life is different. I still will be me, the same sarcastic asshole who loves to create and do things my way (rather if its detrimental or not) whos passionate about  certain things (sometimes too passionate)childish but mature, complex but can still be understanding.  Thats who i always will be (thank you stars and planets) but i evolved so much. The whole point of this came from my wondering why i still like the gorillaz and i realised that like me their sound always changing. Its hard to actually categorize them. Hopefully my music Will be the same.

If I ever finish it it's quite hard to feel the same feelings I felt before I grew so much from earlier this year and from last year when the first so was made . But it will be done I need to be out more with or with out people I got a vision I got a passion I got a burning desire n it's time for me to do something with it 

Losing lust of love

For a person i was forreal for me to even think this  is outta pocket but i starting to believe that love is not for me. (I know being the lovey dovey ass bull you used to be you will say this is withholding love) yea but know its just  i love my self deeply like i fell in love with me like really. I got hurt so much and i hurt so much that i dont even want try to connect with someone that much in that level i find it pointless. Noone going to go through that pain  to put my heart back together they would rather think about them. Its a lot of selfish  people in the  world why would i give peole the chance to hurt me or hurt people . So why not

Getting over alot

I love me  i love us over everything else i love people close to me i love things around  me i love happiness i love art i love thoughts  i love feelings i love  vibes  i love energy i love kisses i love sex i love love i love weed  i love everything it takes a lot of time to actually get better from a self loathing depression its not over its more than just a mood swing its something i live with  for life

Frustration of the present past

When i was younger my not give a fuck attitude was freeing. Thinking back its still pretty freeing, just now i have responsibilities a need to earn more money, to open up more , to care about my appearance n to actually give a fuck about my health. I have become  what i fought against . Im not a clone (of course not) but I'm not the same back when the only thing on my mind was falling in love, music, getting high, n trying to die. As dark as those times was i was happy all because i was free. Im trapped into obligations that I owe people. I literally had my own mind and thats it my best friends would call me weird because i stayed there. My girlfriend was imaginary like seriously n it helped with my loneliness. Now i have a bunch of friends n i appreciate them to the fullest but since i spent so much time  on  me finding out who i am . Then tearing it down for it to be rebuilt   (you dont like me ) no nothing like that  but its just our friends are your friends noone likes me they love you (i came from  you you cant say they love without loveing you) yea i guess but i just want that freedom( n you think i dont) no  because you gree which is ok but its no longer  unpredictable  we would walk around and  just enjoy  the time now we walk n get on fb ( we can stop that ) or on the phone (ok? You dont want friends you want fans ) yes if thats bad so what ive rooted for others where is the ones who say you talented and cool (....)nothing to say just like everyone says  that strong silent  type is getting old (so is snapping every time things don't go your way) so i cant be frustrated  (not saying that but have some control i hate working i hate to have to do things i have to do i wish i could go around tge city  like the old days  get drunk write poetry  and record songs but we gottta do this wack shit first) i get it i just don't like it when the suicidal thoughts was just an assumption  it was better but know everyone knows so you on a list (i want a hug too ) what ? ( you  want love ) no ( yes when we didnt care who we dated just as long as we can date domeone who was feeling us it  was  cool since its good in everyone but now we have preferences and  trust issues)we did before ( yea but not like this) its been so long tho ( iknow  2 years almost ) we need the board( yea we do we also need to write ) who going to make us feel alright ( we will ) not  enough (art?) You  became  soo "deep " that you  forgot one thing (whats that ) art cant love you back (...............) exactly

well that switched moods(yup)

Im not (the libray computer is pissing me off) its cool man but you know that's misplaced anger (no its perfectly placed I just have more for her ) not Harley (man the more I think about it ) yea you know that make sense (shes a bitch ) aye man (no anit no aye an I gave her anything she needed if she asked for it all she had to do is ask for it )I understand that brother( so what did I do wrong im tired of all these women and their  fucking feelings) im gonna be frank with you you could been a better friend (brother I was completely depressed I didn't want to talk to anyone why must I kill my depression for her )because that's whats friends do (only if you can be a friend back she physically saw I was in the dumps instead of reaching out a hand she said nothing but want me to do the same thing that's fucking selfish ) I want all to my self I swear(im serious she don't even see it like that WE ARE ARGUING ABOUT THE SAME THING WE DID IN A RELATIONSHIP ) brother calm down (no can you put this in a song (I can try )it needed to be in a song selfish ass fucking people ) no be direct (so says the bull who gives everyone an imaginary nickname ) I don't do it for any other but privacy reasons (hop out of your delousuion ) why don't you you mad right now go to sleep (if I could I would ) we have been mad tired (and we cant even rest but that's not a damn factor now is it ) not saying that (ok that she only know a damn portion of what we going through yet want to pass judgement like she earned a damn gavel) we don't need another black (we need something because im on the verge of snapping ) we think of something( you only have a few mins once we leave this place to do so otherwise its black and mild time )


fucking up my lungs again  I don't want to breath
I don't want to die but I do want to leave
my art is my legacy that's what I believe
but I know people got tricks up their sleeve


but wish a nigga would
wish a nigga would
wish a nigga would

So know i finally know

(It was me all along) i didn't know well (i mean we both talked about) we just was thinking too far (for no reason but thats us i think  too far)when the problem  is righy in our face (yup )


For those who didn't know i andre is the core jett is the shell  andre had to make jett jett evolves and andre into jett so its like making an identity  to evolve into. The body I guess me is a reaction to it all. With out themi wouldn't succeed and without me they wouldny its a dueling  duality that is completed with a trinity